Sunday, November 22, 2009

Central Park: The Eighth Wonder Of The World?

Being a Bartender in New York City is amazing. Its the most fun you can have with your pants on, sometimes off. I will continue to do it until I stop enjoying it. However like every job there are times when its difficult and stressful. That is way I love to go to Central Park, in the heart of New York City. If its only for an hour once in a while, for me its like a mini holiday. Its my NYC shrink, and costs a lot less. A big couch in the middle of the city. Central Park is like the heart that beats New York City for me. I like to run, and for me there is no place like Central Park. By the way, talking about exercising and all that; is there a rule that the older you are at the gym the more naked you need to be- just a thought.  Anyway, once you enter the park everything slows down and gets so tranquil. The energy is high, exciting and it pulls you in. The park is over 150 years old, over 80% is below street level, over 800 acres, first public park built in America, and the perimeter is over six miles long from 59Th street to 110 street. By the way, whats the hardest thing about rollerblading? Telling your parents your gay!!  Thats for all those male rollerblade fuck heads that fly all over the place and continually get in my way.  The women are cool !!!

There are so many points of interest, I could not possibly mention them all, and to be honest I don't want to share them all as I want them all to myself. But here's a few, go see John over by the plaza at 59Th street on the south east corner of the park. He is a real character, look for him and romeo- his white and black spotted horse. Take a ride with him on his horse and carriage, he's full of fascinating information and stories.  Ask him about David Beckham, Tom Cruise and Al Pacino, just to name a few.

Where John is, go in to the beautiful park on the south east corner, as you go down the steps to the park and the pond, there is a German light post which was dedicated to the German village that used to be there. Up by the Metropolitan Museum of Art at 83rd street and 5Th avenue, there is a black statue that is dedicated to the black village that was once there, and by the Columbus Circle entrance at 59Th street and Central Park West, where the Irish village once was, there is a banjo and a couple of empty bottle's of whiskey, to represent the Irish village that used to be in that part of the park!!!

There's actually a Scottish man that always plays his bagpipes just south of the Met at 82nd street in the park, sporting his kilt and all. He sounds great. There's nothing quite like the sound of the bagpipes. Once you hear them in the park, particularly when the sun is going down, its remarkable and haunting.  By the way, you know the difference between an onion and a bagpipe- nobody cries when you chop up a bagpipe.  That ones for my Scottish pal Stevie.

At 72nd street and Central Park South it is always nice to stop by Strawberry Fields and relax by the imagine sign that was put there in honor of the late, great John Lennon who was tragically shot across the street outside of the Dakota building where yoko ono still lives.

Then head down to Heckscher ball fields at west 63rd street, bring a sandwich and look for smokie, he will get you a beer to wash down your lunch. In the summer time there are continuous baseball and softball games, a lot from the local Broadways shows. A great place to relax, have a beer and take it all in. I think a lot of New Yorkers take Central Park for granted and forget how beautiful the park really is, oh the simple things in life.

Now that's enough for now, when your finished in the park come down to my bar have a beer and don't forget to give my a tip especially now after all this great information I've just given you, cheers and your welcome!!

Saturday, November 21, 2009


I love when people ask me at the bar, "Can you take a photo". We all know the power of a photo and the memories they Capture, so I'm always happy to take a picture, usually anyway. Everybody always says, its the button on the top, thanks a lot. No shit Sherlock, really, the button on the top right corner. Thanks for pointing that out, douchebag, I would have never figured it out. Its only been there since the dawn of time, Cavemen know how to take a photo. People, I don't think we need to say that anymore, "Its the button on the right corner of the camera". Just hand the fuckin camera to somebody and say, " Can you please take a fuckin photo, thanks".

Reminds me of a funny story. A couple of months ago I'm closing up at the bar. I'm checking the floor for anything left behind when I notice this girls pocket book. I look through it for ID so I can see who owns it. I can't see anything, no ID, nothing. So I dig in a little further and a notice a bunch of photo's in this case. I open the case up to see if I possible know who owns the bag. Well I certainly find out who owns the bag. I see pictures of a lady I know, naked and getting fucked in more ways than I care to know, and have ever seen and by more people than I care to know. This lady was one hell of a swinger, a real porn star. Well I leave the bag behind the bar with the anticipation of seeing her the next night. Sure enough she shows up; the porn star, the next night and asks me if I found a bag the night before. I told her I found your bag, she says, "How did you know it was my bag. I said, I saw the pictures. Good she says, I left them for you. Hello!!

Well don't forget to tip your bartender, photo's optional.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Please, do your "wanking" at home?

Its about 10pm last night, the first rush of the night is over awaiting the next one. So its starting slowly to fill up at the bar. My girlfriend surprises me with a visit to the bar. We are chatting a bit when I notice this Mexican guy come in and sit at the corner of the bar across from us. By the way I knew he was Mexican because half of Mexico is working in our kitchen. I welcome him in to the bar and he asks me for a corona- what a surprise. I take his money and bring him back his change out of his twenty. Actually I was reading in the New York Daily News today that Mexicans are the happiest people in the world- I think that's because most of them live in America.
Well the bar starts to fill up a bit more, so I serve a few more people. So about ten minutes pass, then I go back to the end of the bar to see how my girlfriend is doing. As I walk down the bar I look at her face and I can see that something is not right. I see this horrified look on her face as she is staring at the Mexican guy sitting across from her in the corner. I look at him only to see him playing with himself, his dick in his hand. I grab his money and drink and tell him to get the fuck out of the bar, "you sick little fucker". That wasn't the tip I was looking for. Please people do your wanking- masturbating at home.

A guy actually got arrested the other day for masturbating. I mean has the world gone crazy, getting arrested for masturbating, if that was the case, I should be on death row!!
They say that sperm is actually good for your skin, well I think guys say that for the hope of a blow job.  So if that is the case how come my hands are so wrinkly.

That reminds me, its actually a little embarrassing for me. When I was a kid my dad walked into my bedroom unexpectedly only to catch me playing with myself. He says to me, "Son if you don't stop playing with yourself you will go blind", I was like, "dad I'm sitting over here".

Well have fun, go out have a beer, no wanking, and always tip your bartender.