Working in a popular bar, you always have a "Bar Loser". If you don't know what I'm talking about, you are that loser. You know the person that always makes excuses about everything. The person that can never pay his tab in full, ever. He's always saying, here's twenty dollars take that off my tab. Like Norm from Cheers. He always has a sure thing at the bookies. Comes in to the bar with the horse racing part of the paper under his arm and the bookies pencil behind his ear. In my bar lets call him Joe, this guy is such a loser that when he goes to the track the teller gives him his ticket already torn up. However, for some strange reason, God takes care of drunks and fools, so were all going to be just fine.
Can I have a greyhound, what are you too fuckin cool to ask for a vodka and grapefruit- dickhead. I always charge these fucking snobs more. I hate when people come into the bar, I look at them, say hi, what can I get you, and they look at me like I'm speaking Chinese. People what do you think I just asked you, you came in to a bar, I'm the bartender behind the bar and I say something, I wonder what I could be possibly saying. Tell me what you want so I can move on and get another drink for someone else nob head; thanks a lot.
Some people must think the bar is in a lighthouse, I got a call the other night and the person said to me, "is the coast clear"!! that's weird right. Other people must think I sell drugs because the other night I got a call and the person on the phone said to me, "Is that dope gone yet". You must be really drunk when you get pulled over by the coast guards.
This Afghanistan man came in to the bar and asked me if I could recommend a good port, I said, Yup, Newark, New Jersey- piss off!! Its only a joke.
Cheers for now, tip your bartender