Today was my annual doctors appointment. Its always a little scary going for my yearly check up. The life of a bartender is usually not that healthy. All those late nights, early mornings, beers and shots, on your feet all the time, eating unhealthy fried food and so on, you get the picture. Anyway I go into the doctors today like every year, feeling a little scared and un-easy, hoping everything will be alright.
So the doctor says to me; "I'm going to need a blood sample, a urine sample, and a stool sample". I say to him, "here, just take my underpants". I think my doctor might be gay; why you say?. He says to me, "can you please, take off all your cloths ". So I do and then I say to him, "where should I put them". He says, "in the corner on top of mine". Now come on, thats a little weird right. That puts a whole new spin on the doctor saying, "This might hurt a little bit". Well he continues to examine me. He says to me, "you need to stop masterbating". I say "why", and he says, "because I'm trying to examine you".
That rerminds me- when I was a kid my father walked into my room and caught me playing with myself. He said to me, listen if you don't stop playing with yourself you will go blind. I said to him, dad, I'm over here.
Well I survive another year, so here's to another year of the same old stuff, and remember, please, always tip your bartender.