Please, do your "wanking" at home?

Its about 10pm last night, the first rush of the night is over awaiting the next one. So its starting slowly to fill up at the bar. My girlfriend surprises me with a visit to the bar. We are chatting a bit when I notice this Mexican guy come in and sit at the corner of the bar across from us. By the way I knew he was Mexican because half of Mexico is working in our kitchen. I welcome him in to the bar and he asks me for a corona- what a surprise. I take his money and bring him back his change out of his twenty. Actually I was reading in the New York Daily News today that Mexicans are the happiest people in the world- I think that's because most of them live in America.
Well the bar starts to fill up a bit more, so I serve a few more people. So about ten minutes pass, then I go back to the end of the bar to see how my girlfriend is doing. As I walk down the bar I look at her face and I can see that something is not right. I see this horrified look on her face as she is staring at the Mexican guy sitting across from her in the corner. I look at him only to see him playing with himself, his dick in his hand. I grab his money and drink and tell him to get the fuck out of the bar, "you sick little fucker". That wasn't the tip I was looking for. Please people do your wanking- masturbating at home.

A guy actually got arrested the other day for masturbating. I mean has the world gone crazy, getting arrested for masturbating, if that was the case, I should be on death row!!
They say that sperm is actually good for your skin, well I think guys say that for the hope of a blow job.  So if that is the case how come my hands are so wrinkly.

That reminds me, its actually a little embarrassing for me. When I was a kid my dad walked into my bedroom unexpectedly only to catch me playing with myself. He says to me, "Son if you don't stop playing with yourself you will go blind", I was like, "dad I'm sitting over here".

Well have fun, go out have a beer, no wanking, and always tip your bartender.

Dane Cook in MSG

The bar is busy as people are coming in to warm up from the cold. Making a lot of hot whiskeys and Irish coffee's. On my night off on Sunday, I went to see the Comedian Dane Cook in Madison Square Garden. Always exciting to go to the Garden as they say its the worlds most famous arena. Anyway Dane Cook was pretty funny, you have to give it too him, he sold out two shows in the one night just him no warm up artists, just him. He said that his dad would always say to him when he was a kid, "Don't try and pull the wool over my eyes, you know I've been around the block" and Dane would say " that's because your too drunk to find the house", I taught that was pretty funny and it reminded me of my dad.

Did you hear today in the New York Daily Newspaper that the lead singer from Metallica, Jimmy Hetfield was arrested today in Kennedy Airport for continually setting off the heavy metal detectors?

New drink in the bar is called a Starburst which is, all the flavored Stoli's and cranberry juice in a shot, and were not finished there, then you drop it in a half pint of red bull. My friend, lets say "Bob" had this drink and before he noticed ended up with more southern hospitality than he excepted, grits and all. How do you get two people together that have no reason being together- Starburst!!! But did he get the real southern hospitality, that's for our imagination.

Cheers Bob and good luck to all, tip your bartender!!!