Another Funny Bar Story

This Irish man walked into the bar a few weeks ago and ordered three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the bar, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
I said to him, "you know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time", the Irishman replies to me, "Well you see, I have two brothers. One is in Australia, the other in Dublin, and I'm here in New York. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we all drank together when we were all back in Dublin".
I said that, that was a nice custom, and I left it there. The Irish man has become a regular over the last few weeks and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints of Guinness and drinks the three pints by taking sips from each of them in turn.
Well last night he came in to the bar and orders two pints. All the regulars and myself notice and we all fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for a second round, I say to him, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I want to offer my condolences to you on your great loss".
He looks at me confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. "Oh no" he says to me, "Everyone is fine. Its me..." "... I've quit drinking !!!

You meet them all in the bar, and don't forget to tip your Bartender- Cheers!!

By the way: These two Irish guys walk out of a bar- its could happen.

The New York Yankee's

Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road, they stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the Yankee's fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast.
Following their lead, but with some grumbling, the red sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.
The police were called and when the oficer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted the Yankee's cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes, next he lifted the cubs cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. The officer then lifted the red sox cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time.
The red sox fan was getting upset and finally asked, what are you some kind of a pervert?, Why do you keep lifting and looking?, Well said the officer, I am simply surprised, normally when I look under a red sox cap, I find an arsehole !!!!

Went to the New York Yankee's baseball game today, D train right to Yankee stadium. I got talking to this man seating beside me today and beside him was an empty seat so I said to him its unusual to see an empty seat at a Yankee's game he said that he bought it for his wife but she died. I said to him that I was very sorry but could you not have given it to one of your friends or family members, he said their actually a very strange bunch, their all at the funeral. Talk about a die hard Yankee fan!!!

This reminds me I was at a funeral with my friend last month and they waked the person at his home, so we met up at a local bar before we were to go to the house. Well we drank maybe a bit to much, you know what funerals are like, anyway we arrive at the home a little late we go into the home and because we were so drunk that instead of knelling down at the coffin to pay our respects we knelled down at the piano. So I say, dead that he is, he sure had a great set of teeth and my friend says yes he did but he had a bad one here and there. We left and went right back to the bar.

I went with my girlfriend to the game today, I kissed her between the strikes and she kissed me between the balls.

The Edge the lead guitar player for the band u2 today donated his 1975 Gibson guitar to the New Orleans hurricane disaster fund, he said he wanted to give away something that he would miss, how about your house the people of New Orleans said.
That reminds me, Bono was doing a concert in his home town of Dublin recently and started clapping his hands and saying to the crowd, every time I clap my hands a person in Africa dies. Somebody shouted up from the crowd, well Bono, stop clapping your fucking hands then.
He also recently fell off the stage in Croke Park in Dublin, he fell over the Edge!!!!
Cheers for now, and remember to tip your bartender!!

Another girlfriend Gone?

So my girlfriend decided about a month ago to go back home to Ireland, oh well have a nice trip I will miss ya. So about a week after she left she called me to say that see missed me but would be back when her college year was over. She says to me that she wanted me to send her a dildo as they are "hard" to find in Galway, Ireland. She told me to send it to her mothers house in Waterford as she would be back there in a week for a few weeks during her break from college. So the next day I go to the pink pussy cat on west 4Th street, in the Greenwich village and purchase the dildo- that's a whole other story, for the next blog. I get a big green dildo, (I am Irish you know), and post it off to Waterford, Ireland, a small village on the south east side of Ireland about 100 miles south of Dublin.
About a week after I send it I get an amusing call from my girlfriend Helen. She says I forgot to tell you that my mothers name is also Helen- I think you can see where this is going. So she says to me; my mother goes to get the post the other day and notices a box with her name on it sent all the way from America. Her mother says, oh this is nice it must be from my sister in New York. So what a surprise she got when she opened the box. My girlfriend Helen has told me that her mother has not left her bedroom for two weeks,  and her husband couldn't be happier. Now that's a great end to a story isn't it- when everybody is happy, well two out of three is not to bad-poor Helen.

Well back to the bar and don't forget to tip your bartender but please no dildo's!!

Bloody Mary

So I start out in the bar working nights and weekend, there hard shifts particularly the weekend shifts. So I work Sunday brunch, in America they love their brunch, back in Dublin we love our pints of Guinness, here they love their brunch, not sure who's right. Anyway I've been doing this brunch shift for about six months now, its kind of a graduation of the bartending thing. So I graduate and now I have the weekends off. In the bar trade if you are a Monday to Friday bartender with the weekends off you have graduated, you have made it as a bartender!! So I come in to the bar on a Sunday to enjoy my day off with my friends. I order a bloody mary which I have probably made a few thousand over the six months that I have worked those shifts. So I notice that the weekend bartender puts vodka in the bloody mary, what an amateur. I say to him way are you putting vodka in a bloody mary, he says, vodka is suppose to go into it, no its not I say- the graduate bartender says. Again he says, vodka and bloody mary mix goes into a bloody mary. At this stage I notice that the owner of the bar is seated across from me laughing his ass off. I say to him, for the last six months all I have put into a bloody mary is bloody mary mix, which for new comers means no booze. He looks at me and says, I love you, you are hired- again. One hundred precent profits for the boss when I work.

With that in mind, please tip you bartender!!