Sunday, December 7, 2008

O.J Simpson- what an Arsehole

O.J Simpson not happy getting away with murder now he wants to get away with burglary, but to be fair to him he said he was actually going there to kill someone. He actually stole his own stuff, that's like holding yourself up. What kind of dickhead gets arrested for stealing his own stuff. You know what O.J stands for "orange jumpsuit". Whats the difference between O.J and Adolf Hitler- Hitler left less clues. So the other day O.J Simpson was convicted and sentenced to do a minimum of nine years. Is he not the biggest dip shit in the world. He gets away with the crime of the century as we all know and he's still not happy. If that was me and probably the rest of the normal world I would not spit on the street or j-walk, I would be the greatest citizen on the face of this earth. Well maybe there is a God after all!!

The other night in the bar, this prick keeps asking me for a buy back- a free drink.  In most NYC bars they will give you a free drink, usually after you have had three drinks or more, however it is up to the discretion of the bar and the bartender. Anyway this guy says to me, "Wheres my free drink".  When you ask for one, you don't get one. That whats I believe. So I say, we don't give free drinks here. This cunt keep asking me, "wheres my free drink, my buy back".  We don't give free drinks I continue to say.  Now this loser starts shouting, "wheres my fuckin free drink","I'm going to kick your fuckin ass mother fucker", this loser keeps saying to me.  So I give him ten dollars and say, "go and buy yourself a drink somewhere else and fuck off and don't come back arsehole.  He says, "thanks a lot" and leaves the bar.  Sometimes its worth a few dollars to get rid of a scumbag.

Things not to say to a bartender when there busy- Would you recommend a nice fruity drink- Yes a bottle of bud, now fuck off !!!!

Speaking of tipping, tourists here's the deal.
We bartenders make our living on tips, it is customary to tip in America especially in New York, if you don't tip it is also customary to spit in your Margarita.
Here's the deal, we live on the tips give a few dollars a round of drinks, most New Yorkers give a dollar a drink. I know this is all new to you so give what you can, anything is appreciated and it is also customary to buy a customer a drink especially one who tips, usually every 4Th drink. I know this is a revolutionary idea to you Europeans right now as you are lucky to get a free bag of bacon fries from your local bar at home . Don't wait until the end of the night to tip show your appreciation right away and the appreciation will be shown to you. Have fun and enjoy New York City, especially the Scots, I know you are known to be cheap, ( remember copper wire was invented in Scotland- two Scotsman fighting over a penny). That's for my favorite Scotsman and friend Stevie Byrne.
I was in Glasgow recently to see Stevie and I stopped by his house and I noticed that he was taking the wall paper of the walls, I said to him are you decorating, no he said I'm moving. We went down to see the famous museum and statue of William Wallace in Stirling (remember brave heart, freedom and all that), so were in Stirling and this man comes up to me and says, do you know where the statue of Mel Gibson is, I won't say who said it, but to be fair to this American guy the statue did look a bit like him. There were also Scottish bagpipes playing they actually sounded great. While were on the subject of bagpipes, whats the difference between a bagpipe and an onion- nobody cries when you chop up a bagpipe. Stevie will be mad at me for that one.

So cheers everyone and please tip your bartender.