Las Vegas

Had a great week behind the bar, made lots of tips, so I decided to go to Las Vegas. There's no better place to go with a pocket full of cash than Vegas- Right.  So me and the girlfriend arrive in Vegas about 7pm on Saturday night- ready to party.  I just left Manhattan, NYC- party central; but really we are amateurs compared to Vegas. They put on one hell of a show- at least for three days anyway. Anybody that has been to Las Vegas understands.  Kinda like- Amsterdam.

What a sight to see, the Vegas strip- but it kinda reminds me of New York City. The Taxi drivers from Brooklyn and the first thing he says is, "you know, (In a big brooklyn accent) forgettaboutit, Vegas is running out of water, so they are going to recycle the toilet water". Now I have two problems with that, I say, "number one; and number two"?

Vegas is all smoke and mirrors, the devil's delight, a middle finger to God with all his trees, rocks and little bunny rabbits, all that Disney shite. But you know what, its fantastic, for three days anyway, as I said before. 

Well we find ourselves in the New York, New York Hotel, even though we have just left New York, New York. Walking through the Greenwich Village part of the Hotel, not missing the pigeons and the homosexuals, just kidding Steve.

We have a great time at the MGM Grand Hotel pool in the day time and lose all our money at night time.
We actually met Howie Mandel, you know from the TV show, Deal or No Deal.  I told him that they are actually doing the same show in Africa called, Meal or No Meal, he laughed and walked away.

Speaking of Africa, did you hear that Bono is pleading with the Africans to help the starving Irish!!

I love the slogan they have for Las Vegas, we all know it, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas".  I say, what happens in Vegas you should tell the whole fuckin world, tell everyone because its a mad, brilliant place. But, what happens in the back woods of a West Virginia farm house, or a wee shed in Connemara, Galway, Ireland- now that should stay there.

The MGM Grand Hotel actually has a swim up poker table.  That's one of the many things that makes Vegas "awesome".  So that means you don't have to leave the game to go to the bathroom.  Remember, the Vegas slogan, "What happens in a Vegas pool: stays in a Vegas pool".

Cheers for now and please tip your bartender, especially this broke arse one, remember, I just got back from Vegas- thanks

Funny Bar Story

My two friends Tony and Steve are telling me this story at the bar one day.

Two buddies of mine, Tony and Steve, are getting very drunk at the bar when suddenly Steve throws up all over himself. "oh no, now my wife Jane will kill me" he says. Tony says, "Don't worry pal, just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket, tell Jane that someone threw up on you and he gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill".
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually Steve rolls into home and his wife Jane starts to give him a bad time. "You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself, my God, you're disgusting".
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, Steve says, "Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin! itsh snot wha jew think, I only had a cupla drrrinks, but thiss other guy got ssick on me... he had one too many and he juss couldin hold hizz liguor, he said he was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie dollars for the cleaning bill!".
Jane looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this is forty dollars". "Oh, yeah.... I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too".

Drinking too much these days?

When your a bartender there's always a reason to drink, not to mention, its right there all around you. These days I feel like there is always a reason to drink and I'm actually believing those reasons. Reasons like- its Monday, its Friday, its going to be a late one tonight, my friends are in, the girls are in, the cops are in, it will take the edge off, and so on.  This list of reasons or excuses could go on forever. This all catches up on you if your not careful and after a while the nights start getting longer and the days get shorter.  All of a sudden its just a couple of comatosed waking hours. There's always another place to go in New York City, particularly on the west side, Hells Kitchen area of Manhattan. Lets go to O'Flattery's on 46TH until 8am, then to Smith's on 44TH and 8TH avenue, Rudy's on 44TH and 9TH, or the Holland bar on 39TH and 9TH, all after hours bars, and then more after after hours bars until its normal hours so to speak. I know that's a lot of afters, fuck it give me a beer.  When one bar closes in New York City, there is always another one open.

I recently found myself in one of the many hotels in the area with this girl I met at the bar.  She insisted I come over so it would be rude of me not to say yes- right?. I grab a few beers from the bar and we head over to her room.  Well after about an hour we finish all the beers, only to attack her mimi bar.  A few hours pass and the mimi bar is now completely empty.  So we have the brilliant idea that I go out and get more beer. As I'm walking back through the hallways of the hotel, with a six pack under my arm, starving, I notice a room service tray outside somebody's room.  I lift up the top to see a half eaten turkey club sandwich underneath.  I grab the sandwich and take a large bite out of it.  So now, I'm sitting outside a complete strangers room with a six pack of beer- well a four pack of beer now, eating somebody elses half eaten turkey club when it dawns on me.  "This turkey club needs mayonaise"!!

Alcohol doesn’t make you fat, it makes you lean... against tables, floors, chairs, walls and ugly fuckers, so be careful my friends.

You know when you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name and you’ve never been there before. Alcoholic friend of mine is getting married and he is registered to the local liquor store. He tried the alcoholic anonymous 12-step program but he fell down the third step-cheers!!!

Until next time, please don’t forget to tip your bartender.

Happy New Year To All

Well New Years Eve was quite a night at the bar, crazy busy but as usual a lot of fun. Thanks to all who came out. A special thanks to all my friends and family who made it extra special, I really enjoyed our champagne toast at midnight, cheers and have a fun and healthy 2011.

One person actually gave me a twenty dollar bill when I asked him for ID.  I'm like, you don't look anything like Andrew Jackson, but you could look like Franklin-check your money later.

These prostitutes come into the bar late, I've know them for many years now- nice girls.  My partner at the bar asks me, " Do they have ID,", I say, " prostitute don't carry Id, they usually carry VD".

Another guy came in and his breath nearly knocked me over, it came straight from Satan's arse.  I said, how about you brush your teeth next year, now that's a new years resolution.

I just read an article in the New York Times newspaper on the dangers of drinking alcohol.  That's it, my new years resolution is to- stop reading.

This rabbi came in the bar with a frog on his shoulder, I said to him; "where did you get that," and the frog said, "Brooklyn there's fuckin loads of them".

People ask me to take a picture of them all the time at the bar, especially during the holidays, and I don't mind at all. What I do mind is when they say, "the button of the camera is right there on the top right corner", oh really, no shit Sherlock, its only been there for, like ever, thanks for the heads up-dip shit.

So here's to a great New Year and please remember, always tip your bartender.