Monday, December 24, 2007

Michael Vick

Michael Vick, you know the NFL quarter back that was arrested for setting up a Dog fighting game in his luxurious home in Atlanta, and also cruelty to animals, was sentenced last week to almost two years in jail, actually 23 months. Its funny how things work out sometimes isn't it, as now he will be forced to do it "doggy style" by his cell mate in prison. Don't drop the soap Michael. Who said there was no justice in the world.

Here's one I heard at the bar, what do you think. Three men die on Christmas eve, and to get into heaven saint peter says " you must have something on you that represents Christmas. The Englishman flicks on his cigarette lighter and says its a candle, saint peter lets him pass, a welsh man pulls out a set of keys and jingles them and says they are bells, saint peter lets him pass, and then an Irish man pulls out a g-string and saint peter says how the fuck do they represent Christmas!! the Irish man says they're Carols!!
Cheers everyone, tip your bartender!!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Larry Laprise Dies At Age 93

With all the sadness and trauma going on around the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry Larise, the man that wrote the classic song "hokey pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93. It was a very popular song at my bar, anyway the most traumatic part for his family was getting him in the coffin. They put his left leg in, and then the trouble started!!!!!!

That reminds me of a good bar joke, as you know a good bartender must always be ready to tell a joke, my mother used to say to me when I was younger, never let the truth get in the way of a good story, so this ones for you mum.

There's this funeral parade going up this steep hill in Harlem, when all of a sudden the coffin slides out the back of the hurst and starts speeding down the hill with everyone chasing after it. It starts moving faster and faster and nobody can catch it until it flies past the Apollo theater on 125Th street and across the street into a pharmacy (chemist) and stops right at the counter just as the body pops right up out of the coffin. The pharmacist says can I help you, and the person says, can you give me something to stop my coughing

Cheers everyone and don't forget to tip your bartender

Thursday, December 20, 2007

The Holidays

The holiday season is warming up unlike the weather and all the drunks are starting to come out. You know people going to holiday work parties and drinking more than they should. For the most part the holiday season is fun and profitable, lots of tips, but what also comes with that is the potential for more drunken pricks. As the crowds grow so does the chance for trouble so we all have to be on our toes, so lets hope its a trouble free Christmas season. What sometimes happens is, people that normally drink a beer decide because its a free bar and the boss is picking up the check to drink double brandy's. So if you normally drink a beer do us all a favor and drink a beer and not a double brandy you greedy fuck, you will thank me later.

I bought my girlfriend two things for Christmas this year, a pair of slippers and a vibrator. She said to me why did you buy me two gifts, I said well if you don't like the slippers you can go fuck yourself. I bought her a chair for Christmas last year but she want plug it in!!!!

Why can't you say Merry Christmas anymore, I said to a customer at the bar, Merry Christmas, and he said its actually Happy Holidays, when did this happen, I must have missed it. When is this political correctness shite going to stop, its Merry Fuckin Christmas Right!!

Are they going to change all the Christmas songs, like the classic Bing Crosby Christmas song, I wish you a Merry Christmas, or the Bruce Springsteen song, Merry Christmas Baby, too, I wish you a Happy Holiday, and Happy Holidays Baby, whats next?

So Merry Christmas everyone, now go out and have a Christmas drink and be extra generous to your bartender, because its Christmas!!!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Christmas

I love Christmas, I think there's no place like New York City particularly at Christmas, the city is one bright light, the stores are all decked out and there's music and carol singers everywhere, the Rockefeller Christmas tree and skating at the Wollman ice rink at Central Park - Ohh Christmas.

I remember growing up watching Christmas movies like Miracle on 34Th street, home alone and a Christmas story, thinking one day I want to live there and here I am, I know it all sounds lame but I don't care. By the way, do you know how to make a snow angel- You kill a snow man.

I remember saying to my mother one Christmas, don't buy me the bicycle I wanted for Christmas as I found one in the back of the closet. Another time I said to my dad that I had my eye on a bicycle for Christmas, he said keep your eye on it because you will never get your arse on it, and you wonder why I turned out the way I did!!!

This lady came up to me at the bar last night and asked me if I would kiss her under the mistletoe, I said I wouldn't kiss you under an anesthetic, sometimes people you just have to be honest.

Cheers everybody here's to a great Christmas season now get out and buy some gifts and have some eggnog- but don't ask me for eggnog.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

John Mayer Does Comedy?

It was Sunday night, my night off from the bar, so I decided to go to the Comedy Cellar Comedy Club on Macdougal street which is between west 3rd and Bleecker street and we all got a surprise guest appearance from yours truly John Mayer, you know the singer. Well let me tell you all he's a better singer, he was about as funny as a snot in my cup of tea. I will give him credit for getting up there and giving it a go. I went there to see one of my favourite comedians Dave Attel, who is always funny and original. If your in New York you have to go to the comedy cellar as its the best in the city. Anyway we had a great New York night and only in New York can you go out to a comedy club and see the singer John Mayer do stand up comedy. Well I just wanted to share that story with you and your welcome.

I was with my beautiful girlfriend at the show and we had a great time, we have been dating a while now and all is good, but as we all know dating can be tough. I remember one time dating a girl all summer long because she had air conditioning and I didn't, sometimes you just need to survive, you know it gets hot in New York in the summer. I dated a cop for a while, for years the law was doing me, but then I was doing the law- I loved it. There all hard, being married, single you have to work on them all. It basically boils down to; do you want to be lonely or annoyed and whichever one you can handle the best you should go for it. Well as we all know New York is not cheap so I must get back to the bar to make some money so cheers for now and remember to tip your bartender.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Alcohol

Alcohol doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean....... against tables, floors, chairs, walls and ugly fuckers, so be careful my friends.
You know when you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name and you've never been there before. Alcoholic friend of mine getting married and he is registered to the local liquor store. He tried the alcoholic anonymous 12 step program but he fell down the steps.
Happy holidays everyone now go out and have a drink and tip your bartender, cheers!!!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Dane Cook in MSG

The bar is busy as people are coming in to warm up from the cold. Making a lot of hot whiskeys and Irish coffee's. On my night off on Sunday, I went to see the Comedian Dane Cook in Madison Square Garden. Always exciting to go to the Garden as they say its the worlds most famous arena. Anyway Dane Cook was pretty funny, you have to give it too him, he sold out two shows in the one night just him no warm up artists, just him. He said that his dad would always say to him when he was a kid, "Don't try and pull the wool over my eyes, you know I've been around the block" and Dane would say " that's because your too drunk to find the house", I taught that was pretty funny and it reminded me of my dad.

Did you hear today in the New York Daily Newspaper that the lead singer from Metallica, Jimmy Hetfield was arrested today in Kennedy Airport for continually setting off the heavy metal detectors?

New drink in the bar is called a Starburst which is, all the flavored Stoli's and cranberry juice in a shot, and were not finished there, then you drop it in a half pint of red bull. My friend, lets say "Bob" had this drink and before he noticed ended up with more southern hospitality than he excepted, grits and all. How do you get two people together that have no reason being together- Starburst!!! But did he get the real southern hospitality, that's for our imagination.

Cheers Bob and good luck to all, tip your bartender!!!

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

New York City Marathon

Marathon weekend in New York, its a great day and very inspiring. I heard a polish man won the race and he did a lap of honor, now that's a long lap. I love to run myself and Central Park where I usually go is one of the most remarkable and beautiful parks I have ever seen, I think New Yorkers take it for granted and don't realize how amazing it is, anyway I went to buy a new pair of running shoes in foot locker on 44TH and Time square the other day, when I got home I noticed that there was only one shoe lace in the box, I was obviously a little pissed off but then I read the box and it said "Taiwan"- think about it people.

I went up to see the end of the Marathon at Columbus circle at the south west corner of Central Park, I got the A train from 42ND street and 8TH ave right to 59TH and Columbus Circle, the subway is the best way to get around in this town.

If your a tourist go down to any subway station ask the person in the booth for a free subway map get your bearings and go off and explore this great city, its that easy- except for all the people, the un-audible announcement on the subway trains and the rude staff, its all good, that's why its important to have your map and be prepared, plus there is always a map on the trains and the platforms.

For the New Yorkers we all know that the seat underneath the map on the subway is the worst seat on the train as people are contently coming up looking at the map and sticking there dirty sweaty balls, big tits or smelly arse's in your face while they are figuring out what stop to get off at!!! Enjoy and Cheers for now.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Morrissey In town tonight

All you Irish and British fans of the smiths, (English man with an Irish heart), will love the return of Morrissey to NY tonight and through the week in one of New York's hippiest and coolest venues the Manhattan Center / Hammerstein ballroom.

Great night tonight at the bar, good crowd with little incidents, loads of tips.

Sometimes I just don't get people, a bunch of people come into the bar at around 345am and ask me for a round of drinks and I oblige them, a couple of pints of beer and a few shots. They pay by credit card and don't leave me a tip, which is fine by me, honestly!!!! Now its about 405am and the guy that just stiffed me asks me for another round after closing time. You want to stay after 4am and give you another round of drinks and you didn't give me a tip, you must be completely fucked in the head. Listen your the first to go arsehole. People want another drink after closing time and you don't tip me, what are you a complete moron, seriously you would have to be, I just don't get people some times.

That reminds me, a man comes into the bar with just a head, he says its his son who was born without a body. He says its his sons 21Th birthday so drinks for everyone. All of a sudden after he helps his son drink his body appears and now his son has a complete body, arms and legs the whole nine yards -its a miracle!!! So they decide to celebrate and have another drink but this time it has the opposite affect and his son turns back into just a head again, the arms and legs disappear and he is once again just a head, so I say to him, " you should have quit while you were ahead " Cheers

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

New York Yankee's Lose

Earlier this week the New York Yankee's lost in the first round of the baseball playoffs to the Cleveland Indians, the Yankee's and their fans are obviously very sad, and disappointed, but not as sad as the Cleveland Indians as now they have to go back to Cleveland.

By the way, why do Mets fans hate the Yankee's so much. I was working behind the bar during the Yankee's Indians series and there were about ten guys at the end of the bar and they were all routing for the Cleveland Indians, so I say to them are you all from Cleveland because its New York City so you get a lot of tourists, and they say, no were from Queens, what a bunch of jealous wankers, wouldn't you think if you were from Queens, New York you would route for your local New York team against a bunch of fuckin Indians.
There's this Met fan who can't stop masturbating so he goes to the doctors and says, every time I finish masturbating I sing the Mets song, the doctor says don't worry, thousands of wankers sing that song. See you next season, Losers!!!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Porn Stars

I met this porn star at the bar the other day and she said to me that she wanted to go out with me, so I asked her when she was available. She said she was working Tuesday and Wednesday, so how about Thursday, I said how about Monday!!!!!

My friend Joe is a bit of a sick fucker, he told me the other night that he recently bought a blow up doll, as he was not having much luck recently with the ladies. The clerk at the sex shop asks him, do you want a christian or muslin doll, he asks the clerk, whats the difference, the muslin doll blows itself up.!! He said that he only blows it up half way so it makes him feel like he's sleeping with a supermodel, told you he was a sick fucker.

He said to me that he asked his girlfriend to try the missionary position. His girlfriend said whats that position, he says, I stay here and you fuck off to Africa. He said he had sex with a female clown, she twisted his penis into a poodle dog. I think I should quite after that one, good luck for now.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Is New York City Really Safe

Two skinheads were arrested last night in New York City by local police in Time Square, one swallowed battery acid and the other one ate fireworks. The police charged one and let the other one off.
The police station in midtown south on 35th street was broken in to, and all the toilet seats were stolen, when asked about the break in the police captain said " we have nothing to go on".
A polish man was stabbed 52 times in the back last night outside a city cafe, the police said it was the worst case of suicide they have ever seen.
So are we really safe, I will let you make up your own mind. Personally that makes me feel about as safe as a gerbil in a Chelsea pet shop window!!!! Be safe, relax and have a beer.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Cocaine

There's this guy that comes into the bar once in a while maybe once a week. He's well over 300 pound, for you Europeans around 22 stone, either way he's a fat fucker, more chins than a Chinese phone book, wherever he is sitting he's sitting beside you. He had a threesome last night and he was all by himself. Well he has a big coke problem its pretty clear to see, how can you be fat and have a coke problem, what is he snorting sugar. I heard that he did so much cocaine that he got a personal hand written thank you letter from Pablo Escobar. I have to admit I tried it once but I got the bottle stuck up my nose!!!! By the way, any rectal drugs, that would be handy, you could hide them and take them at the same time- just a taught

Did you know that Osama Bin Laden at one time wanted to poison all the cocaine and heroin that came from Afghanistan to American,(as almost all the worlds heroin comes from their). So let me see, Bin Laden wanted to kill all the coke and heroin addicts in America, oh how would we ever get over that, killing all the drug addicts in America, how would we ever get over the loss of all them wonderful stand up people.

Brittany Spears

So Brittany Spears just lost custody of her two young kids, here's my question, who got custody of Brittany Spears, she the one that needs real help, god bless you Brittany and good luck.

Quiet night in the bar tonight but a very eventful ending. So I'm walking out of the bar and its obviously dark so I'm always looking around when leaving the bar, and out of nowhere this guy comes towards me so I think to myself fuck this is not good because as a bartender you always have a few dollars on you. As he comes towards me he stops about two feet away from me and says " do you want a blow job", I was never so relieved if you know what I mean, I thought I was about to get robbed and this guy says "do you want a blow job". I say, get the fuck out of here you sick fuck and he says to me this time, "I will swallow" like now I was going to say well OK then. You never know who or whats out there in the night in New York City.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

On Vacation

Just Back from Vacation (holiday), I was actually back in my hometown city for a week. Its kind of strange sleeping in the room where I grow up in again. This room is really small, I don't know how myself and my five brothers ever slept in this room together, there is barely enough room for me now. I used to sleep in the same bed with two of my brothers, and both of them used to wet the bed. I learned how to swim by the time I was three. My mother used to say to me what part of the bed would you like to sleep in and I would say the shallow end please. When I would wake up there would be a rainbow at the end of the bed. She used to tell me that everyday was my birthday, however I found out after, it was only to hide her addiction to cakes and balloons.

We were kinda poor when we were going up as you can probably see, my mother would send me down to the local butchers shop and tell me to ask them for a sheep's head (they were cheap), and tell the butcher to leave one of the legs on, or tell him to leave the eyes in, as it has to see us through the week.

I would get hand me down cloths from all my older brothers and sister, all the cloths they had grown out of, I remember getting hand me down pants from my older brother one time, he was six foot two and I was five foot one, I had to open my fly to blow my nose, I remember wearing the same dress as my teacher, mind you, I think he was more embarrassed than I was.

My parents didn't have enough money to buy me a new suit for my confirmation, so my father bought me a new cap and told me to look out the window, but you know what, we were happy!!!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Back in the Big Apple

Well back in New York City again, sometimes you have to leave NY to realize how amazing, and how much I miss this city. I remember the first time I came to NY, I got a bus from JFK airport to Port Authority bus station on 42nd in Manhattan. So I ask this man outside the bus station where's 34Th and 9Th avenue and he says "go fuck ya self", I was like, yes I have arrived, this is my kind of town. So I eventually start walking downtime and I notice all these religious, Jesus freaks. They are everywhere in Manhattan especially around the bus stations, with their religious speeches and their big crosses everywhere, nothing for nothing, if Jesus comes back to save us all, I think the last thing he wants to see is a cross.

That reminds me, there's a catholic priest and a rabbi outside a deli one day, along comes a young boy walking by and the priest says "how about we grab this kid and screw him" and the rabbi says "out of what". A Priest, a Rapist and a Pedophile walk into a bar....... that was just the first guy!!!!!! I know everyone, I'm going straight to hell for that one, well as my dad would say, Its only a joke.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Drug Testing

Busy at the bar last night, chemical brothers in the Manhattan Center, go check them out they are brilliant. Tips were great and pretty hassle free.

The reason for the headline (drug testing), is because my buddy that is a janitor in the neighborhood just got fired for failing a drug test. Drug tests are good and should be done I think, but do we have to drug test a janitor. Whats the worst thing he's going to do- drop the mop, listen if your 35 years of age and your a janitor you should be able to smoke a joint.

I heard the worst pick up line last night at the bar. You must work in a lumber yard because you've been giving me the wood all night!!!!

Please don't bang on the bar if you want a drink, I don't go to Mcdonald and bang on your counter when I want a Big Mac. By the way whats the deal with Mcdonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't insert "Mc' before the item you are ordering.... It has to be a McChicken sandwich, just a chicken sandwich gets blank looks. Well I'll have a Mcstraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Jimmy Buffet in the garden last night

If you all didn't know by my blogger name "newyorkcitybartender", I am actually a bartender in New York City, the big apple. Jimmy Buffet in the garden tonight, great night lots of fun. I never made so many Margarita's as I did tonight, those parrot heads sure like their margarita's on the rocks, straight up, with salt, either way they lapped them up, it was worth the hassle as the tips were good at the end of the night-5am. There an older crowd so they are all pretty well behaved except for this french lad, what an arrogant little shit. I don't want to pick on the french with the old stereotype but it seems some of them think they are so above everyone else and this guy was tiny. Well pal no wonder you have never won a war when you name your cities Toulouse. Talk about a napoleon complex he was so short that when I asked him for his I.D, in the photo you could see his feet. I said to him what was the last women you were inside- the statue of liberty.

I hate these people who always come up to me and say where are you from, I tell them I'm from Ireland and they say I'd love to go there, well what the fuck are you waiting for, there's 10 flight a day mate, its easier to go to Ireland than to get to the upper east side from the west side. Just go to the airport and go, by the time this stupid, boring conversation is over you will be there. I have one guy that comes in maybe twice a week for the last few years and every time he comes in he says I'd love to go, what the fuck are you waiting for, get in a taxi, go to the airport, buy a ticket and you will be there in no time and stop telling me how much you want to go, you prick.

Then other people come to me and say, my friend was in Ireland last week, do you think I give a shit, then they say to me, with that accent you must get laid all the time in New York, its kind off a back handed compliment, I say, well I wasn't exactly a virgin in Ireland.
Thanks I feel better now. See you later now go down to your local watering hole and have yourself a margarita- its on me.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Conversations Overheard At The Bar

Three Doctors are discussing their countries medical achievements. German doctor says " We can take a kidney out of a man and put it in another man, and he will be up and looking for work in six months". English doctor says, "We can take a lung out of a man and put it in another and he will be up and looking for work in five months". Then an American doctor says, we can take an Arsehole out of Texas and put him in charge of the country and we will all be out of work in no time".
Cheers for now and please tip your Bartender!!!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

When You Got To Go, You Got To Go!!!

Its been a rough week drinking and again I find myself in this strange apartment drunk again. This time I wake up in this dark room needing to go to the bathroom quick, I'm not talking I can hold it in for a few minutes, I mean my arse is going to sneeze any second now, I mean do farts have lumps. So I'm like were is the fuckin door but all I see is a window so I pull across the curtain to let some light in this dark, disgusting room, and it is there and then that I have to go. I barely get the window open before I launch my arse out the window before my arse sneezes out the window, should not have had all those car bombs. So I'm sitting there with my arse out this strangers window relieved and wondering now, how I'm I going to wipe my arse and get the fuck out of here as quickly as possible, don't get a head of me people, so I wipe my arse on these lovely white curtains that are still in my hand. I obviously got out of there as quickly as possible and for a strange reason I have never seen her again, but chances are I would probably not recognize her anyway.

I went straight home showered up and went back to work. What will happen tonight? By the way don't forget to tip your bartenders especially me, as I had to buy some more underwear and I could do with the cash, Cheers

Monday, April 16, 2007

China Town

I'm talking to this girl Nina at the bar and before we know it, its 4am and we are the only one's left in the bar, the cash is done and we want to party some more. So I have the bright idea to head down to Wo Hops on Mott street in China Town for some chinese food and green beers and I also remember she lives close by in China Town. Its raining outside and for some reason there are no cabs to be had, so I decide, I have a friends car parked up the road so why don't I drive down. We arrive at 17 mott street about 20 minutes later park the car outside and chow down some szechuan chicken and a couple of green beers. If you ever go there ask for chang he will wip you up something special.



So we walk a few blocks to Nina'a apartment go up a few floors to her apartment. We have a couple shots of Patron and before we know it were in the sack. So were getting into it and Nina whispers in my ear, "do you want to tie me up, I really like it" sure why not, what was I surposed to say. She reaches under the bed and pulls out some ropes. I tie her up and all is cool and after about an hour I notice that it is almost 8am and I remember that I must move my friends car that I parked a few blocks away or else it will be towed. So I say to Nina that I will be right back I need to move the car. I start to remove the ropes from around her arms and legs and she says, just leave it, it will be kind of sexy to leave me here, because now you have to come back and rescue me like a sex slave. So of I go in search of the car. I eventually find it and move it across the street about two block away because its alternate side parking day in New York. So I am now heading back to Nina's to free my sex slave when I realize I have no idea where her apartment is now. Everything looks the same right now and I am now starting to panic. Then after about 45 minutes I think I have located the apartment building, I hope, and now I am trying to remember the apartment number, so I just press every button on the panel. I get a lot of fuck offs I assume in chinese until some one comes out of the building. I pretend I live there and walk right in after this person walks out. Now I am trying again to remember what apartment it is again and whether I am actually in the right building. I start shouting out her name and again I get a lot of fuck offs and shut the fuck up, I think. Then I also remember that even if she hears me how is she going to open the door if she is tied up. We really didn,t plan this out too good did we, I just hope she has a room mate.

Well to make a long story short and painfull I had to abandon my search for Nina and her apartment. I hope your ok. In case you are wondering I did see her after so she is fine, well I think it was her, but as you know they all look alike.!!!

Cheers for now, tip your bartender.

Friday, February 2, 2007

Bubbles, one of my favorite customers

I call him bubbles because he always ordered champagne, looked like Jack Nicholson, is full of life, and is just a cool mother fucker. Always love to see Johnny bubbles come into the bar. So Bubbles have been coming in the bar a few months now, so he comes in later than normal this night and says to me, I'm celebrating, champagne for everyone. He continues to tell me that he is having a party and would love me to attend. Actually he says you fucking better attend, so with an invitation like that I head up to park avenue around 5oth street. I go in what looks like an office building and I tell the man at the door my name and he says please sir go right ahead he is expecting you, I love Johnny bubbles.
Well the elevator opens up and the first thing I see are three naked Asian ladies playing pool. So bubbles comes out from one of the rooms, smiling for ear to ear, with two girls with him and a glass of champagne for me- what else. Please he says enjoy everything. Then I see that the Asian ladies are not playing pool at all but are actually using the pool table to do cocaine off it, like Scarface, what a party. Well that's all I can say for now and by the way did I tell you, "I love Johnny Bubbles".

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Another girlfriend Gone?

So my girlfriend decided about a month ago to go back home to Ireland, oh well have a nice trip I will miss ya. So about a week after she left she called me to say that see missed me but would be back when her college year was over. She says to me that she wanted me to send her a dildo as they are "hard" to find in Galway, Ireland. She told me to send it to her mothers house in Waterford as she would be back there in a week for a few weeks during her break from college. So the next day I go to the pink pussy cat on west 4Th street, in the Greenwich village and purchase the dildo- that's a whole other story, for the next blog. I get a big green dildo, (I am Irish you know), and post it off to Waterford, Ireland, a small village on the south east side of Ireland about 100 miles south of Dublin.
About a week after I send it I get an amusing call from my girlfriend Helen. She says I forgot to tell you that my mothers name is also Helen- I think you can see where this is going. So she says to me; my mother goes to get the post the other day and notices a box with her name on it sent all the way from America. Her mother says, oh this is nice it must be from my sister in New York. So what a surprise she got when she opened the box. My girlfriend Helen has told me that her mother has not left her bedroom for two weeks,  and her husband couldn't be happier. Now that's a great end to a story isn't it- when everybody is happy, well two out of three is not to bad-poor Helen.

Well back to the bar and don't forget to tip your bartender but please no dildo's!!

Monday, January 1, 2007

Bloody Mary

So I start out in the bar working nights and weekend, there hard shifts particularly the weekend shifts. So I work Sunday brunch, in America they love their brunch, back in Dublin we love our pints of Guinness, here they love their brunch, not sure who's right. Anyway I've been doing this brunch shift for about six months now, its kind of a graduation of the bartending thing. So I graduate and now I have the weekends off. In the bar trade if you are a Monday to Friday bartender with the weekends off you have graduated, you have made it as a bartender!! So I come in to the bar on a Sunday to enjoy my day off with my friends. I order a bloody mary which I have probably made a few thousand over the six months that I have worked those shifts. So I notice that the weekend bartender puts vodka in the bloody mary, what an amateur. I say to him way are you putting vodka in a bloody mary, he says, vodka is suppose to go into it, no its not I say- the graduate bartender says. Again he says, vodka and bloody mary mix goes into a bloody mary. At this stage I notice that the owner of the bar is seated across from me laughing his ass off. I say to him, for the last six months all I have put into a bloody mary is bloody mary mix, which for new comers means no booze. He looks at me and says, I love you, you are hired- again. One hundred precent profits for the boss when I work.



With that in mind, please tip you bartender!!