Pope Benedict is believed to have gotten the bird flu, they think he might have got it from one of the Cardinals. Now we have the swine flu but there is something even more serious than that- the turtle flu. Its coming slowly but its coming, just wait and see.
There was this priest in the bar last night, local priest, bit of a prick to be honest. I recently went into see him as I am the godfather of my friends baby and I was introducing myself for the upcoming christening. Well to make a long story painful, he made me feel about as welcome as a fart in a spaceman's suit. Did you know that you now have to register to go to mass. Its turning into the department of motor vehicles. Well, this is what this messenger of God said to me- who knew, I wonder will it involve a donation? At the risk of over sharing- did you know that black people invented the dept. of motor vehicles. It was to get white people back for slavery. Fair enough!!
So anyway he comes into the bar last night and asks me for a glass of wine, so I give him a glass of water and told him to make it himself. Now before you get upset with me he did make me feel earlier about as welcome as a black man at a k.k.k meeting. So were really busy and there are no tables available for dinner so he's getting a bit annoyed at the wait. I say to him, you will get the next table. Well every 2 minutes he keeps asking me, is the table ready, is the table ready, like a kid asking his parents if there, there yet. So I say to him, if you like you can register for a table, with that he storms out all pissed off. I thought one of the things you need as a priest is patience and a sense of humor, unfortunately he had neither.
The catholic church are cock tickling their way into bankruptcy. You can't really blame the priests because a lot of them started out as altar boys and got sucked into it.
Religion is all about recognition. The Jews don't recognise the Palestinians as the settlers of Jerusalem. The Protestants don't recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christians, and the Mormons cult, don't recognize each other in hooters. By the way, don't fuck with the Jews, they cut the tops off their own penises, imagine what they will do to yours!!!
That reminds me, these two priests were having dinner together at the bar the other night and I didn't know whether to send them over a bottle of wine or a cub scout!! I think I'm going to hell for that one.
While I'm going to hell- a priest, a rapist and a pedofile walk into the bar- that was just the first guy!!
Remember tip your bartender!!