Thursday, April 26, 2007

When You Got To Go, You Got To Go!!!

Its been a rough week drinking and again I find myself in this strange apartment drunk again. This time I wake up in this dark room needing to go to the bathroom quick, I'm not talking I can hold it in for a few minutes, I mean my arse is going to sneeze any second now, I mean do farts have lumps. So I'm like were is the fuckin door but all I see is a window so I pull across the curtain to let some light in this dark, disgusting room, and it is there and then that I have to go. I barely get the window open before I launch my arse out the window before my arse sneezes out the window, should not have had all those car bombs. So I'm sitting there with my arse out this strangers window relieved and wondering now, how I'm I going to wipe my arse and get the fuck out of here as quickly as possible, don't get a head of me people, so I wipe my arse on these lovely white curtains that are still in my hand. I obviously got out of there as quickly as possible and for a strange reason I have never seen her again, but chances are I would probably not recognize her anyway.

I went straight home showered up and went back to work. What will happen tonight? By the way don't forget to tip your bartenders especially me, as I had to buy some more underwear and I could do with the cash, Cheers

Monday, April 16, 2007

China Town

I'm talking to this girl Nina at the bar and before we know it, its 4am and we are the only one's left in the bar, the cash is done and we want to party some more. So I have the bright idea to head down to Wo Hops on Mott street in China Town for some chinese food and green beers and I also remember she lives close by in China Town. Its raining outside and for some reason there are no cabs to be had, so I decide, I have a friends car parked up the road so why don't I drive down. We arrive at 17 mott street about 20 minutes later park the car outside and chow down some szechuan chicken and a couple of green beers. If you ever go there ask for chang he will wip you up something special.

So we walk a few blocks to Nina'a apartment go up a few floors to her apartment. We have a couple shots of Patron and before we know it were in the sack. So were getting into it and Nina whispers in my ear, "do you want to tie me up, I really like it" sure why not, what was I surposed to say. She reaches under the bed and pulls out some ropes. I tie her up and all is cool and after about an hour I notice that it is almost 8am and I remember that I must move my friends car that I parked a few blocks away or else it will be towed. So I say to Nina that I will be right back I need to move the car. I start to remove the ropes from around her arms and legs and she says, just leave it, it will be kind of sexy to leave me here, because now you have to come back and rescue me like a sex slave. So of I go in search of the car. I eventually find it and move it across the street about two block away because its alternate side parking day in New York. So I am now heading back to Nina's to free my sex slave when I realize I have no idea where her apartment is now. Everything looks the same right now and I am now starting to panic. Then after about 45 minutes I think I have located the apartment building, I hope, and now I am trying to remember the apartment number, so I just press every button on the panel. I get a lot of fuck offs I assume in chinese until some one comes out of the building. I pretend I live there and walk right in after this person walks out. Now I am trying again to remember what apartment it is again and whether I am actually in the right building. I start shouting out her name and again I get a lot of fuck offs and shut the fuck up, I think. Then I also remember that even if she hears me how is she going to open the door if she is tied up. We really didn,t plan this out too good did we, I just hope she has a room mate.

Well to make a long story short and painfull I had to abandon my search for Nina and her apartment. I hope your ok. In case you are wondering I did see her after so she is fine, well I think it was her, but as you know they all look alike.!!!

Cheers for now, tip your bartender.