Well gay marriage is a hot topic these days, I was actually talking about this with a few fagot lads "just kidding maybe",at the bar last night. My personal view, (and if you have been reading my blog you know I rarely get personal and share my feelings. Feelings are like your mothers breasts, you know where they are but there better un-felt), is that you should be able to marry anybody or anything, except your sister- Alabama, West Virgina. I actually think it should be compulsory for gay people to marry- if you are in a committed relationship for a few years, as I am actually sick of how good they look, all buffed up and tanned. It would be nice to say something to another man and for him to hear and translate exactly what you said, unlike women who for some reason hear something completely different!!!! I said to my girlfriend today, you are so beautiful darling, and she said, so you think I'm fat do you. Now is it just me but I have said that to myself a few times what I said to her and I don't hear or see fat anywhere!!! Talking about same sex marriage, I,ve been having the same sex for years.
Actually sometimes people think I'm gay because I'm slim, neat, my apartment is tidy, not married and I like Tom Cruise just a little too much. If my girlfriend ever came home and said she slept with Tom cruise, I would be like- give me details girlfriend!!
By the way, every husband or boyfriend has heard some version of this question- does this dress make me look fat or my arse look fat? Every man who lives with a women has had to sit in that hot seat- in the bathroom, bedroom, hallway, living room, hotel room, pretty much anywhere. They go through an endless parade of outfits, like your very own fashion show, each after each apparently make her arse look fat. No matter what kind of man you are, you can "never" utter those words or tell the truth in this situation. Words like, its fine luv, it looks great or sweetheart I love the way your arse looks in that. Those words will get you into a lot of trouble. I have spent many years in this situation and have decided to give into this exercise and to just go with it and she will be ready when she's ready, its healthier that way. I say to myself, relax, just relax. It's this really hot chick trying on all different outfits. You get to see a sexy girl naked. Just sit back and enjoy the show. She tries on an outfit takes it off then she parades around in her bra and panties looking for another outfit. She takes that off and her bra, so now she is topless- holy shit. Then she puts high heels on wearing nothing- fuck this is hot. When I was a teenager, a hot chick sauntering around your bedroom was considered an impossible event and here it is happening multiple times a week for free. I'm telling you, fellas- once you use my system and go with it, (because you will never win if you go against it), it just doesn't get any better than this. What I do now is run into the kitchen stuff some kind of food in my mouth, get changed real quick and then sit on the edge of the bed and let the games begin: I don't think that's the right outfit, sweetheart, I like the dress but without the panties. It turns being late for dinner into and entirely different thing. Just let it go and go with it, try it fellas it works and its a lot of fun, I love it- your welcome.
Why do women get all the nice names- Vagina and Breasts, and we get the ugly names, Penis and Scrotum? I would go to Vagina and Breasts in a heart beat on my holidays, they sound warm and beautiful. I wouldn't fancy going to Penis or Scrotum they sound like a cold and dark place where it rains all the time- just a thought.
Also do you ever notice all these woman's books and magazines on how to please your man: 101 ways to please your man. Give me a break, stop wasting your money girls, there's 4 ways to please your man- give him a good blow job, play with his balls, make him a good sandwich, and talk less- its that simple.
Anyway that's all I have to say on the topic right now so go out have a drink and tip your bartender.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
So I go out to meet my friend after work tonight on the upper west side in a bar called O'hurleys, a busy Irish bar on 72ND and Broadway. I walk in and Jeff is waiting for me chatting to a gorgeous middle aged women at the end of the bar. I say hello to Jeff but he's giving my the eye's, you know, fuck off leave me alone, I'm on to a winner here. So I leave him alone and walk down to the bartender Paul at the other end of the bar. The thing about bartenders is that we all know each other and we basically just bring the money back that he left at your bar. Its one fun vicious circle. What Paul tells me is what makes this night so interesting for all, and the reason for the title of this story. He says to me; you know that beautiful girl your mate Jeff is talking to, well, wait for it, its actually a man. No fuckin way, are you bleedin kidding me. So I take a large swig of my beer and say to myself; shit this is going to be good!
So I finish my beer, Paul hands me another one, says good luck and I walk down to see Jeff. Jeff I say, lets get out of here, lets go down town. No he whispers to me, this bird is mad into me, she wants to fuck me and she wants me to go up to her apartment up the street. Jeff, lets go again I say, a little bit more abruptly. Get out of here I'm going up the street with her. So I say fuck ya off you go see you later. By the way I will be here if you make it back in time- ya right. So as Jeff and his "date" sashayed out the door of the bar I wondered to myself what did my good friend have in store for himself this night. I waited eagerly with Paul at the end of the bar for his imminent re-arrival, I hoped anyway.
Sure enough as quick as he leaves the bar, he is back just as quick. Obviously knowing what went on I say; how come your back so quick. Ah I was not really into her. Well you looked like you your really into each other. Just leave it alone alright, Jeff says. So we have a few more beers with Paul, Jeff has a few shots (probably to get the taste out of his mouth) and then we head down town in a cab. As me and Jeff are heading down town in the cab I start at him again. So Jeff why were you so quick with her. Ah I just wasn't that into it that's all. Really that's surprising considering how you both seemed to be so into each other, the kissing and all that. Just let it go for fuck sake will ya he says. Again I say I just don't get it how it ended so quickly. Will you just leave it alone, again he protests. Seriously I say, was the reason that you weren't into it because she had a cock. What the fuck you prick, you knew. I tried to get you out of here earlier but you were sure you were onto a sure thing. Well you made your bed so you can sleep in it, I say to him- all pun intended. Listen Jeff say's to me, if you ever tell this to anybody I will fuckin kill you- you got me, I will fuckin kill you.
So people lets keep this to ourselves and don't forget to tip your bartender!!