Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Crying Game

So I go out to meet my friend after work tonight on the upper west side in a bar called O'hurleys, a busy Irish bar on 72ND and Broadway. I walk in and Jeff is waiting for me chatting to a gorgeous middle aged women at the end of the bar. I say hello to Jeff but he's giving my the eye's, you know, fuck off leave me alone, I'm on to a winner here. So I leave him alone and walk down to the bartender Paul at the other end of the bar. The thing about bartenders is that we all know each other and we basically just bring the money back that he left at your bar. Its one fun vicious circle. What Paul tells me is what makes this night so interesting for all, and the reason for the title of this story. He says to me; you know that beautiful girl your mate Jeff is talking to, well, wait for it, its actually a man. No fuckin way, are you bleedin kidding me. So I take a large swig of my beer and say to myself; shit this is going to be good!
So I finish my beer, Paul hands me another one, says good luck and I walk down to see Jeff. Jeff I say, lets get out of here, lets go down town. No he whispers to me, this bird is mad into me, she wants to fuck me and she wants me to go up to her apartment up the street. Jeff, lets go again I say, a little bit more abruptly. Get out of here I'm going up the street with her. So I say fuck ya off you go see you later. By the way I will be here if you make it back in time- ya right. So as Jeff and his "date" sashayed out the door of the bar I wondered to myself what did my good friend have in store for himself this night. I waited eagerly with Paul at the end of the bar for his imminent re-arrival, I hoped anyway.

Sure enough as quick as he leaves the bar, he is back just as quick. Obviously knowing what went on I say; how come your back so quick. Ah I was not really into her. Well you looked like you your really into each other. Just leave it alone alright, Jeff says. So we have a few more beers with Paul, Jeff has a few shots (probably to get the taste out of his mouth) and then we head down town in a cab. As me and Jeff are heading down town in the cab I start at him again. So Jeff why were you so quick with her. Ah I just wasn't that into it that's all. Really that's surprising considering how you both seemed to be so into each other, the kissing and all that. Just let it go for fuck sake will ya he says. Again I say I just don't get it how it ended so quickly. Will you just leave it alone, again he protests. Seriously I say, was the reason that you weren't into it because she had a cock. What the fuck you prick, you knew. I tried to get you out of here earlier but you were sure you were onto a sure thing. Well you made your bed so you can sleep in it, I say to him- all pun intended. Listen Jeff say's to me, if you ever tell this to anybody I will fuckin kill you- you got me, I will fuckin kill you.
So people lets keep this to ourselves and don't forget to tip your bartender!!


kristielove said...

funny story! poor jeff.

newyorkcitybartender said...

Whats going on with your stories