I just broke up with the girlfriend, but it was a good break up as break ups go, like we split the apartment in New York City in half, she got the inside. She used to say to me, "you remind me of the ocean" I would say "wet and wild" no she would say " you make me fucking sick'. We used to hold hands a lot, because if we ever let go we would probably fuckin kill each other. The good thing about being married or being in a relationship is that when you go home, there is somebody there- the bad thing about being married or in a relationship is that when you go home, there is somebody there!!
Well I have been married twice, what can I say, I love wedding cake. The first wife died in a wishing well, I didn't know they worked. No seriously the first wife died of eating poisoned mushrooms, the second wife died of a fractured scull, she wouldn't eat her mushrooms. Really my last wife died of V.D, my friend said to me, nobody dies of V.D, I said, they do when they give it to me. She actually talked through her nose because her mouth was worn out!!
I said to my girlfriend "were you faking it last night', no she said "I really was asleep"
People; don't fall in love with a heroin addict they have a lot of love but its all in vein.
A girl said to me that I don't have honest eyes, I'm like, I just want to sleep with you not borrow a thousand dollars.
I was in bed with my girlfriend the other night and she said she would like to try something different tonight, how about the 69, I said you want chicken and broccoli at 5am in the morning. That's the great thing about NYC you can always find a Chinese restaurant open, so we went down to wo hops on 17 Mott street in China town- open 24 hours.
I am actually selling a full set of Britannica encyclopedia's if anyone is interested, I don't need them any more girlfriend knows fuckin everything.
Talk to you all later, please remember to tip your bartender!!