As we all know us New Yorkers love our pets. Once in a while we have people come in to the bar with their pets, dogs, cats, gerbils,(we are very close to Chelsea), and so on. For me the only pets I can handle right now are goldfish. I named my goldfish number one and number two. When one died I had two!!
When it gets slow late at night and the kitchen is closed I don't mind when the locals bring their dogs in. I have this one man, lets call him Kevin, anyway he goes out every night to walk his dog and pops into the bar and has about four shots of vodka and then goes home to the wife, he always walks the dog. He was telling me one time that he had to leave town unexpectedly so his wife had to walk the dog. So she is walking the dog and as they go by the bar the dog makes a right and head straight for the front door of the bar all excited and barking for us to open the door. The dog ratted him out, so no more late night walking the dog for Kevin.
Another time this guy walks into the bar and says to this guy that has this dog sitting under his table, does your dog bite, no he says and the man goes to pat the dog on the back, just as he does this the dog takes a big bite out of his arm. The guy screams and shouts at the guy, I thought you said your dog doesn't bite, he says, that's not my dog!! Another time a guy says, is that Jack Russell's, no he says, its mine.
Stevie wonder came into the bar one night with his dog, picks his dog up by the tail and starts swinging it around his head. I say to him, Stevie what the fuck are you doing, he says, I'm just having a look around!! Did you ever see his wife....... Neither has he.
People please stop decorating your dogs. Stop putting these ridiculous outfits on your dogs. They are so embarrassed and they are already wearing a coat, they are born with one already on you sick fuckers. That reminds me, guys if your on a date don't get a doggy back, it makes you look like a little pussy. While your at it, you may as well as get your balls and put them in a doggy bag because you won't be needing them that night......... and your welcome.
Now go out and get yourself a nice cold beer and remember to tip your bartender!!!