Cocaine

There's this guy that comes into the bar once in a while maybe once a week. He's well over 300 pound, for you Europeans around 22 stone, either way he's a fat fucker, more chins than a Chinese phone book, wherever he is sitting he's sitting beside you. He had a threesome last night and he was all by himself. Well he has a big coke problem its pretty clear to see, how can you be fat and have a coke problem, what is he snorting sugar. I heard that he did so much cocaine that he got a personal hand written thank you letter from Pablo Escobar. I have to admit I tried it once but I got the bottle stuck up my nose!!!! By the way, any rectal drugs, that would be handy, you could hide them and take them at the same time- just a taught

Did you know that Osama Bin Laden at one time wanted to poison all the cocaine and heroin that came from Afghanistan to American,(as almost all the worlds heroin comes from their). So let me see, Bin Laden wanted to kill all the coke and heroin addicts in America, oh how would we ever get over that, killing all the drug addicts in America, how would we ever get over the loss of all them wonderful stand up people.

Bubbles, one of my favorite customers

I call him bubbles because he always ordered champagne, looked like Jack Nicholson, is full of life, and is just a cool mother fucker. Always love to see Johnny bubbles come into the bar. So Bubbles have been coming in the bar a few months now, so he comes in later than normal this night and says to me, I'm celebrating, champagne for everyone. He continues to tell me that he is having a party and would love me to attend. Actually he says you fucking better attend, so with an invitation like that I head up to park avenue around 5oth street. I go in what looks like an office building and I tell the man at the door my name and he says please sir go right ahead he is expecting you, I love Johnny bubbles.
Well the elevator opens up and the first thing I see are three naked Asian ladies playing pool. So bubbles comes out from one of the rooms, smiling for ear to ear, with two girls with him and a glass of champagne for me- what else. Please he says enjoy everything. Then I see that the Asian ladies are not playing pool at all but are actually using the pool table to do cocaine off it, like Scarface, what a party. Well that's all I can say for now and by the way did I tell you, "I love Johnny Bubbles".