Happy New Year To All

Well New Years Eve was quite a night at the bar, crazy busy but as usual a lot of fun. Thanks to all who came out. A special thanks to all my friends and family who made it extra special, I really enjoyed our champagne toast at midnight, cheers and have a fun and healthy 2011.

One person actually gave me a twenty dollar bill when I asked him for ID.  I'm like, you don't look anything like Andrew Jackson, but you could look like Franklin-check your money later.

These prostitutes come into the bar late, I've know them for many years now- nice girls.  My partner at the bar asks me, " Do they have ID,", I say, " prostitute don't carry Id, they usually carry VD".

Another guy came in and his breath nearly knocked me over, it came straight from Satan's arse.  I said, how about you brush your teeth next year, now that's a new years resolution.

I just read an article in the New York Times newspaper on the dangers of drinking alcohol.  That's it, my new years resolution is to- stop reading.

This rabbi came in the bar with a frog on his shoulder, I said to him; "where did you get that," and the frog said, "Brooklyn there's fuckin loads of them".

People ask me to take a picture of them all the time at the bar, especially during the holidays, and I don't mind at all. What I do mind is when they say, "the button of the camera is right there on the top right corner", oh really, no shit Sherlock, its only been there for, like ever, thanks for the heads up-dip shit.

So here's to a great New Year and please remember, always tip your bartender.

Have you seen my gun!!

That something a bartender never wants to hear, have you seen my gun. I suppose nobody wants to hear that. Well that's the question I got last night New Years Eve.

So its about 2am the morning after New Years Eve, the bar is jammed, everyone is having a great time, all is running smoothly, not one arsehole in the crowd and that's amazing for this night. The cops start showing up after the Time Square festivities, all is good. Its five deep at the bar but thank God everyone is pretty much served, all beers and Whiskey shots. No dickheads ordering Alabama Slammers, Martini's or Lemon drops.

Then I get the question, have you seen my gun. What I say, hoping I'm not understanding the question, have you seen my gun he repeats, No I say.  As I finally look up to see who is asking me this question it makes total sense now.  Its my good friend, let call him Mickey the cop.  Now I know he is telling the truth as its not the first time we have had "issues" with his gun.  I have put a few holes in the ceiling of the bar over the years with his gun, fired his gun out the window of his unmarked police car, (pissing off the highway cops), while on our way to an after hours bar, with a case of beer, bottle of whiskey between my knees and two hookers in the back.  Thats a whole other story.  Well I suppose we better look for it, right, I say to Mickey. So I get the torch out, don't announce to the bar what we are looking for, for obvious reasons and as secretly as we can, we begin the search for the elusive gun. I'm shining the light between the many legs, underneath table and chairs, all we find is pieces of glass, some dirty napskins, empty bottles and a couple of indescribable items, the usual stuff. I would not be surprised if I find a few guns, handcuffs and nightsticks in this bar, well not tonight, no luck so far. Most people are too drunk to notice what we are doing. So far, nothing at the bar or restaurant area, last chance the bathrooms, again no sign. So I go into the last stall to go to the toilet and low and behold what do I find. Its a gun, a silver shinny nine gage Smith and Weston, right in the middle of the bowl- working in this bar you become very knowledgeable of the many types of guns. Well I hope it is a gun or somebody has some serious problems. So I flag down the owner of the turd gun and I come up with the idea of putting it in the safe until the morning. He's like, sounds good if not just bring it home, I'll see you later, give us a beer will ya, thanks.

Well Happy New Year everyone, and don't forget your guns and to tip your bartender.