Pretty quiet night tonight, Veterans day, a lot of people off work. So these two people walk into the bar tonight, not a couple as they are a little bit awkward towards each other but are obviously friends. So I say hi what are you having, the guy says right away, I'll have a bud, the girl takes her time can't make up her mind, obviously first time in a bar! Right away I know this person, pain in the arse, crying out for attention, wants the world to wait on her, however these people can be interesting and sometimes fun! Definitely didn't get a hug when she was a child.
Eventually asks for a rum and coke- after all that. So about ten minutes pass and she says, do you know how to make a cosmopolitan, yes I say, and he orders another bud. Another ten, twenty minutes pass and then she says to me can you make me a Black Russian, you know how to make it. I say listen, you know love, this is not my first night, oh really she says. Remember she is curving attention.
So this is where the fun begins. She finishes the earlier cosmopolitan and while I'm in the middle of a conversation with another customer, she says, take my empty class away, do you know how to be a bartender. I look at her laugh and continue my conversation. You need to nip that in the butt right away or else they will walk all over you. Listen people I know my job detail, but I'm a human being behind this bar as well.
Then she says, whats wrong with you, where are you from, what month were you born, why do you hate yourself and so forth. I say, pretending to cry, maybe I just need a hug. Darling, I say- just to keep it fun, enough of the psycho babble bullshit, save it for someone that cares. You know what Freud said, "The Irish are imperious to psychoanalyses", let it go sweetheart. Don't you think I'm a beautiful woman, do you not want me, she says. Beauty comes in many forms I say and you are so ugly in the inside. So now she does a total 360 on me, now she tells me that she lives up the street and wants me to fuck her. Typical, girl that looks confident on the outside, mean and aggressive, goes through her whole life hating and being mean to people, when in reality she hates herself and is so insecure. I say to her, you have the sex appeal of a school bus fire, I wouldn't fuck you with his cock- pointing at her friend. Before you get upset with me people, trust me she had it coming and now maybe she will not be such a bitch to people in the future. Eventually her friend says to her, your being an asshole time to go home. Best of luck to you Darling your going to need it.
Remember were not just bartenders we are psychiatrists too, so don't forget to tip.