Is America Over Weight?

I was reading the Sunday New York Times today and there was an article saying "Obesity is at epidemic levels in America". So what they are saying is laziness is at epidemic levels in America. They say obesity is a disease, no its not, leprosy is a disease, diabetes is a disease, obesity is not a disease. They say its a glandular thing, no its a greed thing. They say, no their just big boned, yes that's right, big bones covered in meat and gravy. Stop eating fast food and walk once in a while, you lazy fuckers. I live in New York City where we all walk a lot. Get off your arse America.

God Bless You Chris- Miss Ya!!

I was actually in the local diner reading this article and I notice how greedy people can be. For instance, you get free coffee refills in most diners but as I sit here I notice how much people can really abuse this. Would you have seven cheese burgers if you got free refills- actually most Americans probably would, stop drinking all the coffee you greedy bastards. I was talking to this guy at the bar the other night. He told me that he was in England and Ireland recently and was disappointed that when he ordered a sandwich in a deli, that he only got two pieces of meat in a sandwich, whereas in America you get half a pig. I told him, in Ireland and England they make their sandwiches to fit their mouths.
I'm actually on a diet right now myself, its that diet where you eat a lot of vegetables and drink lots of beer, I lost 10 pounds and my drivers license.

In a recent research, experts say, personality can trigger weight gain- especially when you have the personality of a fat fucker!

What we all need to do is start eating healthy and stay out of fast food joints like McDonald's and KFC. I think personally KFC is a bit like sex, its great while your doing it but afterwards you feel a bit dirty and your hands are sticky. By the way, you ever notice that the people that are against abortion you wouldn't want to fuck anyway!!
I see girls come into the bar wearing tank tops, listen girls, if your built like a tank don't wear the top. Crispy Creme donuts are now coming out with a drinkable donut- good news for fat people that don't want to chew. I rest my case.

So please America get healthy, we can do it and always tip your bartender!!

I Swear You Can't Make This Shit Up.

I was telling these people in the bar one day how in Ireland the fish particularly the salmon are jumping out of the water. There is actually one place in County Kerry where if you lean over this bridge as the salmon are coming up the river, you can actually grab them out of the air, as they jump out of the water. So these two Polish guys overhear my conversation and they tell me they are actually stopping off in Ireland on there way to Poland next week, and they will go and try to catch some Salmon. I tell them exactly where this place is in Kerry. They leave and tell me they will be back in the bar in a few weeks and will tell me what happened.
So sure enough a few weeks go by and these two Polish guys come back into the bar. Here's their story, its priceless.
So we get to County Kerry in Ireland and we locate the bridge where the salmon are supposed to be. So I lean over the bridge while from friend holds my feet so I can get down low. So after about an hour my friend starts screaming and shouting, "Pull me up, pull me up", so I say to him, "Did you get a Salmon", "No " he says, " There's a train coming".
I swear you can't make this shit up.

People say to me all the time, "Oh with that accent you must get laid all the time", by the way you might have a point but I was not exactly a virgin when I came to New York. So in a way its not a compliment, what their actually saying is, if you didn't have an accent you wouldn't get laid you ugly fucker. Thanks people.
By the way I had a pop tart today, my doctor told me I have to eat more fruit- feeling Great.
Cheers for now and don't forget to tip your Bartender!!!

Another girlfriend Gone?

So my girlfriend decided about a month ago to go back home to Ireland, oh well have a nice trip I will miss ya. So about a week after she left she called me to say that see missed me but would be back when her college year was over. She says to me that she wanted me to send her a dildo as they are "hard" to find in Galway, Ireland. She told me to send it to her mothers house in Waterford as she would be back there in a week for a few weeks during her break from college. So the next day I go to the pink pussy cat on west 4Th street, in the Greenwich village and purchase the dildo- that's a whole other story, for the next blog. I get a big green dildo, (I am Irish you know), and post it off to Waterford, Ireland, a small village on the south east side of Ireland about 100 miles south of Dublin.
About a week after I send it I get an amusing call from my girlfriend Helen. She says I forgot to tell you that my mothers name is also Helen- I think you can see where this is going. So she says to me; my mother goes to get the post the other day and notices a box with her name on it sent all the way from America. Her mother says, oh this is nice it must be from my sister in New York. So what a surprise she got when she opened the box. My girlfriend Helen has told me that her mother has not left her bedroom for two weeks,  and her husband couldn't be happier. Now that's a great end to a story isn't it- when everybody is happy, well two out of three is not to bad-poor Helen.

Well back to the bar and don't forget to tip your bartender but please no dildo's!!