Las Vegas

Had a great week behind the bar, made lots of tips, so I decided to go to Las Vegas. There's no better place to go with a pocket full of cash than Vegas- Right.  So me and the girlfriend arrive in Vegas about 7pm on Saturday night- ready to party.  I just left Manhattan, NYC- party central; but really we are amateurs compared to Vegas. They put on one hell of a show- at least for three days anyway. Anybody that has been to Las Vegas understands.  Kinda like- Amsterdam.

What a sight to see, the Vegas strip- but it kinda reminds me of New York City. The Taxi drivers from Brooklyn and the first thing he says is, "you know, (In a big brooklyn accent) forgettaboutit, Vegas is running out of water, so they are going to recycle the toilet water". Now I have two problems with that, I say, "number one; and number two"?

Vegas is all smoke and mirrors, the devil's delight, a middle finger to God with all his trees, rocks and little bunny rabbits, all that Disney shite. But you know what, its fantastic, for three days anyway, as I said before. 

Well we find ourselves in the New York, New York Hotel, even though we have just left New York, New York. Walking through the Greenwich Village part of the Hotel, not missing the pigeons and the homosexuals, just kidding Steve.

We have a great time at the MGM Grand Hotel pool in the day time and lose all our money at night time.
We actually met Howie Mandel, you know from the TV show, Deal or No Deal.  I told him that they are actually doing the same show in Africa called, Meal or No Meal, he laughed and walked away.

Speaking of Africa, did you hear that Bono is pleading with the Africans to help the starving Irish!!

I love the slogan they have for Las Vegas, we all know it, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas".  I say, what happens in Vegas you should tell the whole fuckin world, tell everyone because its a mad, brilliant place. But, what happens in the back woods of a West Virginia farm house, or a wee shed in Connemara, Galway, Ireland- now that should stay there.

The MGM Grand Hotel actually has a swim up poker table.  That's one of the many things that makes Vegas "awesome".  So that means you don't have to leave the game to go to the bathroom.  Remember, the Vegas slogan, "What happens in a Vegas pool: stays in a Vegas pool".

Cheers for now and please tip your bartender, especially this broke arse one, remember, I just got back from Vegas- thanks

Last chapter?

This was supposed to be a short term gig, work as a bartender for a while make some money have lots of fun, do some travelling and position myself for the next big deal. Well that was the plan anyway. Well ten years has almost passed and I'm still a bartender on the lovely west side of Manhattan, Hells Kitchen area, the Manhattan Riviera. Business is still good considering our economic times, the same people come through the doors, slaves to their jobs, coming in before they take their two hour bus or train from Port Authority or Penn Station only to come back the next day to do it all again, what an existence. Everybody is living for their 401k and pension, pension this and pension that, and they forget to live for the moment. By the looks of things there will be nothing left anyway, no 401k or pension. Its when I see these people that I realize things for me are not so bad. I live up the street, have a ton of fun behind the bar, I've met some incredible people, made lots of friends, I see my boss once in a while, nobody really bothers me, except for the odd gangster, robber, homosexual, lesbian, midget and pervert. You know what? Bring it on, here's to another night behind the bar.

And don't forget to always tip your bartender.

Girls!!!

As a bartender girls are everywhere, as I said in a earlier blog, bartending, its the most fun you can have with your pants on, sometimes off. Anyway I was home the other night with my girlfriend after a long hard night behind the bar. I went to bed and fell asleep right away. The next day my girlfriends starts complaining about my stamina and sexual drive in the sack. So I try to tell her that I was tired and that's all it was, nothing more nothing less. Well now I'm getting a bit paranoid so I ask this older man at the bar for some Viagra. The next night I take six Viagra and wash them down with five Red Bull's when I'm leaving the bar- anyway the funeral is next week!!!

Talking about Viagra, I was driving upstate New York a while ago and I get to one of those tolls, well I'm looking around for some change and I can't find any change anywhere, I reach into my pocket and I find a Viagra pill, I throw it into the change area, and the toll arm goes straight up. Well the next day I'm heading back to Manhattan and I'm going by the same toll and I notice the toll arm is still up!! That shit really works.

Another time I took one and it got stuck in my throat, I had a stiff neck for a week. To be honest I have never taken a Viagra, but the commercial really cracks me up. You know the commercial that says "if you have a hard on that lasts more than six hours please call your doctor. Listen people, if I have a hard on that lasts more than six hours I'm calling every girl I have ever known!!

While I"m "expressing" myself, did you ever see how many onion rings you can fit on your penis, you better let them cool off first but, I made that mistake.

I've been using anti wrinkle cream to look younger but they don't work, my balls still look all wrinkly and old looking.

Well I think that's enough "expressing" myself for now, good luck and cheers for now and remember to tip your bartender!!

Back in the Big Apple

Well back in New York City again, sometimes you have to leave NY to realize how amazing, and how much I miss this city. I remember the first time I came to NY, I got a bus from JFK airport to Port Authority bus station on 42nd in Manhattan. So I ask this man outside the bus station where's 34Th and 9Th avenue and he says "go fuck ya self", I was like, yes I have arrived, this is my kind of town. So I eventually start walking downtime and I notice all these religious, Jesus freaks. They are everywhere in Manhattan especially around the bus stations, with their religious speeches and their big crosses everywhere, nothing for nothing, if Jesus comes back to save us all, I think the last thing he wants to see is a cross.

That reminds me, there's a catholic priest and a rabbi outside a deli one day, along comes a young boy walking by and the priest says "how about we grab this kid and screw him" and the rabbi says "out of what". A Priest, a Rapist and a Pedophile walk into a bar....... that was just the first guy!!!!!! I know everyone, I'm going straight to hell for that one, well as my dad would say, Its only a joke.

Drug Testing

Busy at the bar last night, chemical brothers in the Manhattan Center, go check them out they are brilliant. Tips were great and pretty hassle free.

The reason for the headline (drug testing), is because my buddy that is a janitor in the neighborhood just got fired for failing a drug test. Drug tests are good and should be done I think, but do we have to drug test a janitor. Whats the worst thing he's going to do- drop the mop, listen if your 35 years of age and your a janitor you should be able to smoke a joint.

I heard the worst pick up line last night at the bar. You must work in a lumber yard because you've been giving me the wood all night!!!!

Please don't bang on the bar if you want a drink, I don't go to Mcdonald and bang on your counter when I want a Big Mac. By the way whats the deal with Mcdonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't insert "Mc' before the item you are ordering.... It has to be a McChicken sandwich, just a chicken sandwich gets blank looks. Well I'll have a Mcstraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser.