Bubbles, one of my favorite customers

I call him bubbles because he always ordered champagne, looked like Jack Nicholson, is full of life, and is just a cool mother fucker. Always love to see Johnny bubbles come into the bar. So Bubbles have been coming in the bar a few months now, so he comes in later than normal this night and says to me, I'm celebrating, champagne for everyone. He continues to tell me that he is having a party and would love me to attend. Actually he says you fucking better attend, so with an invitation like that I head up to park avenue around 5oth street. I go in what looks like an office building and I tell the man at the door my name and he says please sir go right ahead he is expecting you, I love Johnny bubbles.
Well the elevator opens up and the first thing I see are three naked Asian ladies playing pool. So bubbles comes out from one of the rooms, smiling for ear to ear, with two girls with him and a glass of champagne for me- what else. Please he says enjoy everything. Then I see that the Asian ladies are not playing pool at all but are actually using the pool table to do cocaine off it, like Scarface, what a party. Well that's all I can say for now and by the way did I tell you, "I love Johnny Bubbles".

Another girlfriend Gone?

So my girlfriend decided about a month ago to go back home to Ireland, oh well have a nice trip I will miss ya. So about a week after she left she called me to say that see missed me but would be back when her college year was over. She says to me that she wanted me to send her a dildo as they are "hard" to find in Galway, Ireland. She told me to send it to her mothers house in Waterford as she would be back there in a week for a few weeks during her break from college. So the next day I go to the pink pussy cat on west 4Th street, in the Greenwich village and purchase the dildo- that's a whole other story, for the next blog. I get a big green dildo, (I am Irish you know), and post it off to Waterford, Ireland, a small village on the south east side of Ireland about 100 miles south of Dublin.
About a week after I send it I get an amusing call from my girlfriend Helen. She says I forgot to tell you that my mothers name is also Helen- I think you can see where this is going. So she says to me; my mother goes to get the post the other day and notices a box with her name on it sent all the way from America. Her mother says, oh this is nice it must be from my sister in New York. So what a surprise she got when she opened the box. My girlfriend Helen has told me that her mother has not left her bedroom for two weeks,  and her husband couldn't be happier. Now that's a great end to a story isn't it- when everybody is happy, well two out of three is not to bad-poor Helen.

Well back to the bar and don't forget to tip your bartender but please no dildo's!!

Bloody Mary

So I start out in the bar working nights and weekend, there hard shifts particularly the weekend shifts. So I work Sunday brunch, in America they love their brunch, back in Dublin we love our pints of Guinness, here they love their brunch, not sure who's right. Anyway I've been doing this brunch shift for about six months now, its kind of a graduation of the bartending thing. So I graduate and now I have the weekends off. In the bar trade if you are a Monday to Friday bartender with the weekends off you have graduated, you have made it as a bartender!! So I come in to the bar on a Sunday to enjoy my day off with my friends. I order a bloody mary which I have probably made a few thousand over the six months that I have worked those shifts. So I notice that the weekend bartender puts vodka in the bloody mary, what an amateur. I say to him way are you putting vodka in a bloody mary, he says, vodka is suppose to go into it, no its not I say- the graduate bartender says. Again he says, vodka and bloody mary mix goes into a bloody mary. At this stage I notice that the owner of the bar is seated across from me laughing his ass off. I say to him, for the last six months all I have put into a bloody mary is bloody mary mix, which for new comers means no booze. He looks at me and says, I love you, you are hired- again. One hundred precent profits for the boss when I work.

With that in mind, please tip you bartender!!